for a while i now, i’ve really felt called to write more. i’ve been reading more blogs in 2014, and i really love the idea that bloggers have found an avenue to express themselves and their passions.
i have so many ideas jumbling around in my head. i read stories and i have opinions. i discuss books, movies, current events with my friends and co-workers. sometimes while i’m working or driving or out shopping alone i have ideas and opinions. i think critically about subjects of interest to me. however, this almost always happens when i’m away from my laptop and unable to put these ideas down on paper. my intention is always to come back to my laptop and write down these thoughts, write a thoughtful blog entry. however, when i get home, i usually forget what i had been thinking about or i get tied up with other errands or i end up binge watching netflix.
i end up never writing these entries. on the rare occasion i think of something worth writing and i’m actually near my laptop i find it hard to concentrate my ideas, focus and keep my thoughts organized. i end up on long tangents that are unrelated or only loosely related to what i had originally wanted to write about. in addition, i suffer from high anxiety and low self-confidence. i want what i write to be perfect, even though i know that’s not the point. i start and restart sentences dozens of times before finally abandoning my efforts to put the metaphorical pen to paper.
i think part of my issue is that my views of blogs have really been shaped my bloggers who mostly blog about one subject. they have a specific focus and angle that serves as their guiding point and really guides their writing. but i don’t know/have one specific passion. also with my anxiety issues i find it hard to convince myself that if i have anything unique to add to the subject. cooking and baking…there’s a thousand blogs already on the subject. fashion…there’s fashionistas out there strutting their stuff all over the internet.
honestly, i don’t know if i want to be pigeon-holed. i know on every blog i read, there are occasional times when bloggers write about something different, but for the most part, people stick to what they’re known for.
i suppose some of these thoughts of self-doubt and anxiety come from a fantasy that i will have a widely read blog, tons of comments, companies contacting me for advertising and promotional partnerships. while that would be nice, to have a blog where i can write about what i want and make money to support myself from that adventure, i mostly want to have a blog where i can regularly come and write. even if no one stops by to read.
so, who am i and what do i want to say?