personal style

i have a personal style that i would describe as classic, simple, and clean. when i go shopping, i try to find pieces that will stand the test of time, that i will still enjoy wearing one month from now, one year from now, even five years from now. in fact, i still have dresses that i bought in high school and college that still fit and that i still wear.

i don’t like things to be more complicated than needed. and my clothing is one area that can be as un-fussy as possible. my personal dress code is pants or skirt with a top and a sweater or blazer on top. i like clean, uninterrupted lines. i don’t like layer upon layer of clothing. personally i think it looks bulky and messy. but, again, that’s just me. i also am a fan of simple patters, stripes (sometimes my boyfriend calls me beetlejuice), plaid, herringbone. i think these patterns are especially easy to mix and match which means that my clothes are very easy to mix and match giving me greater flexibility with my wardrobe. in addition to having a fairly neutral color palate, i find my wardrobe to be really filled with easy to wear and long lasting pieces that can work for a variety of casual, professional, and dressy situations.

my personal style philosophy also extends to my accessories. i prefer simple, classic jewelry. i don’t change up my jewelry much; i mostly stick to a few key pieces that have a lot of sentimental value to me. i like the idea of having signature pieces that are easily identifiable to people as “lacey” pieces. i know that sounds very selfish. the earrings i wear a majority of the time are pearl studs that my boyfriend gave me as a birthday present. i love them very much; each time i put them on i’m always reminded of how much i love him, of how generous he is, of how much i love spending time with him.

in the end i really believe the most important thing about building your own personal style and wardrobe is to really think about how to get as much use out of your clothes as possible. i believe in being comfortable above all and that will make you feel stylish.

Advertisements

the blues

sometimes i get the blues, those times when i get depressed and extremely down on myself. i doubt my abilities, my personality, the way i have led my life. i doubt it all. most of the time when i’m feeling down, i throw my pity party complete with food and netflix in bed. and running in the background is my own interior monologue telling me that i’ve done something wrong, that i should be different, that i should act a different way.

as much as i try to live my life as a responsible adult, doing what i want, being friends with who i want, i am influenced by societal pressures and images of what my life should be like in my twenties. all the friends i should be hanging out with, all the dinner parties i should be attending, all the brunches i should be hosting. frankly it all sounds exhausting. to be that outgoing all the time, to be spending that much money all the time, to be constantly happy and peppy and outgoing, it is all overwhelming.

i am not by nature an outgoing person. i am probably very close to the traditional identity of an introvert. spending time with people, especially larger groups of people, drains me of energy, i quickly tire and withdraw. i recharge at home by myself, from watching my favorite shows, to cooking and baking, to reading a book. i have no problem being alone. i don’t like meeting new people, and i find it hard to figure out how to translate meeting someone new into making them a friend.

i struggle with social anxiety (as i know a lot of people do). i am not at all convinced that people will like me, will want to talk to me, will want to be friends with me. in situations where there are large amounts of people, i probably come across as aloof and snobbish as i don’t make a lot of conversation and i don’t approach people i don’t know. usually when i do make conversation with new faces, i can find a multitude of things to nitpick about them from their personality to the way they’re dressed, being overly peppy and too happy. this all sounds very self-centered, but in reality this is all a defense mechanism for myself, because it’s a way for me to rationalize not feeling comfortable around new people. i can simply write it off as “i don’t want to continue to get to know this person, because they smile too much and are an overly optimistic and cheerful person which doesn’t fit with my personality.”

i am a ball of anxiety a lot of the time. sometimes i am able to handle it, deal with it, realize that my personality and life experiences are unique and do not have to fit with what you see on websites or facebook. i am able to see that photos only snap a moment in time, they don’t show the whole situation, they don’t show the in between moments. other times, though, the anxiety in my head brings me down.

i tell myself i should be more outgoing, i should be more motivated, i should make an effort to hang out with my friends more often, i should exercise more, i should be a better twenty-something. the tricky thing about anxiety and feeling down, though, is that instead of just berating me for not being a better version of myself, anxiety also rationalizes why i can’t or shouldn’t change these things about myself. “you can’t be more outgoing because you hate other people and people find you aloof and unfriendly.” “it doesn’t matter how much you exercise because you’ll never be able to make a permanent and lasting change.” “making more of an effort to hang out with friends is a one sided effort because they don’t really like you that much anyway. they hardly reciprocate the effort.” anxiety is a back and forth conversation where both sides bring their rationalization a game.

this bickering is most of what puts me into a funk, and bluesy, down on myself funk. and it sends me straight to bed for a netflix binge with food, without food, it’s kind of all the same. sometimes it leads to tears, but often not. i am a resilient person, and i do bounce back, but i don’t want it to sound like i come back stronger or more motivated or more confident. i come back to where i was before and keep going about my life and my business.

disgusted

by now, most people have heard about the saga of belle gibson, wellness guru and media personality, who falsely claimed to have terminal cancer several times. the excerpt quotes i’ve read online from her interview with australian women’s weekly portray her as a narcissistic, self-centered, manipulative liar telling half-truths and framing herself as the one taken for a ride instead of the other way around.

she claims to have been “misdiagnosed” and won’t reveal any of the medicine or science behind her diagnostics. according to the weekly, even details about her personal life and background are murky and hard to corroborate.

i am disgusted by this hoax, by the deceit, by the false claims, by the promotion of a lifestyle that so emphatically shunned the modern medicine that has helped so many. i know that proper nutrition, access to fresh food, and a diet rich in fruits and veggies can help our bodies do amazing things and keep us healthy and full of energy. but i wonder how many people who had received devastating diagnoses followed her lead, turned away from modern treatments, and how that ultimately may have affected their health. what is her culpability? where is her remorse for having lead so many astray?

so many people’s lives have been touched by cancer. seeing how this woman has profited from her false claims, with her best-selling app and cookbook, makes me so angry. i am frustrated because her publishers never attempted to substantiate her medical claims. i am sad because cancer is a horrible, devastating disease that destroys people, destroys families. i am disgusted that she was celebrated as a warrior when she was never sick.

in my mind belle gibson is lowest of the low and i really think that she’ll get hers in the end.

new normal

i’ve been with my new job for over one month now, and i’m still trying to adjust to this idea of a new normal. my job has dramatically shifted the way i live my life day to day. for 3+ years my normal consisted of changing schedules, never having weekends free, getting up before the crack of dawn every day. it was brutal and, towards the end, hellish.

i am still happy with my new job. i am happy with my work, with my working space, with the freedom to wear my lovely clothes, the ability to take my breaks when i feel like, the knowledge that i can leave when the clock hits 5pm because that is the end of our working day. i am happy that i am not micro-managed, that i am left to do my work, and that i am expected to get it done in a timely manner without having someone breathing over my shoulder. it’s calming and less stressful.

since starting my new job, i have been dressing better, i have been cooking and baking more, i have taken a cruise with my boyfriend, i have been able to make weekend plans with people. i went to the farmers market last sunday near my apartment and bought some lovely lettuce, tomatoes, avocados. after my mom and i went to meet my new baby cousin/her new great nephew. i wouldn’t have been able to do this at my old job because i always worked sundays and was made to feel guilty about asking for the occasional sunday off for myself.

i know people eschew the idea of normal; everyone wants to be unique and interesting, and ground-breaking. but i love this idea of normal. the idea that my schedule is now on par with a majority of my friends and family. i like the repetitiveness because i can make long-term plans; i don’t have to wait to see what my schedule will be before agreeing to an event in the future. my life has become more calming, more soothing, less stressful. i will keep this new normal.