reckless consumerism

social media influencers make me want to shop less. i’m pretty sure that is not the intended side effect of the inlfuencer industry.

but it’s true; the more i see influencers buy and show on their social media channels and blogs, the more i see them promote sales and discount codes, the more i want to chuck my phone at the wall and never set foot in a clothing store again. when i originally started following style blogs, many of them were focused on personal style. bloggers would wear items of clothing multiple times, showing the reader different ways the item could be styled. new items were introduced on a much less frequent basis.

constantly seeing social media influencers promote new purchases really made me think about how often i purchase new clothes. it made me stop and reflect on whether i needed to have multiples of certain items, or the same piece but in different colors. i thought about whether it was necessary to make a purchase if what i was purchasing was something i already owned just in a different style or fabric or color or because it was chicer, more “in style.” i’m trying to classify my wants and my true needs.

to be honest, i NEED very little. i don’t need to add anything else to my wardrobe. i have enough clothes to carry me through the work week and enough casual clothing for weekends and time off. i have enough undergarments and enough outerwear (even if it is mostly utilitarian looking). i have enough socks, enough shoes, enough jewelry and accessories. i truly truly have enough.

but that doesn’t mean i stop wanting things. i see things online that i like, that i think about buying. i think about how a certain shirt or sweater would fit into my wardrobe, how i could wear it with things i already own. i even start thinking about what i could give away to make room in my closet for new items. social media and influencers are giving their best sales pitches, and some of them are really good at their jobs. they are good at getting people to imagine themselves owning all new stuff all the time.

i continually (although i’ve gotten better) have to remind myself that i need to be saving money, that i shouldn’t overspend, and that there are better things i want to spend my money on like luxury experiences (spa and salon appointments), decorating and improving our house, and travel. considering that i know i have enough clothes i want to make sure i’m prioritizing these other purchases.

in fact, i actually follow a few influencers on instagram who purchase WAY too much clothing, shoes, and accessories. i follow them for the purpose of reminding myself that buying new things does not equal happiness, does not make me a better person, and clutters my house in a way i don’t like.

i hate the consumerism on display these days. and, unintentionally it’s the influencers who are supposed to be getting me to buy this stuff that have turned me off of shopping.

my successes cooking dinner

right around thanksgiving, we decided to get an instant pot. i had a few reasons for wanting this very trendy contraption. so far, i am quite happy with our purchase.

i registered for a 4 quart crock pot for our wedding. while living in d.c. i had a 6 quart crock pot that got used only a handful of times because of it’s size. i was a single person; i didn’t need such a large crock pot. when registering for our wedding i wanted to get back into the slow cooking game. i wavered between the instant pot and the crock pot trying to decide if the extra functions of the instant pot were worth it and would be useful to me living in our small apartment just the two of us. after some searching online, i found a programmable 4 quart crock pot that i knew would be the perfect size and perfect re-introduction to meal planning and slow cooking. my sil and bil got it for us and it has been one of my most used appliances ever since we received it.

as it started to get cooler in austin, i pulled out my crock pot frequently to make soups, stews, curries, and other hearty meals. not only was the food comforting after a chilly day, but the convenience cannot be beat. dump everything in, set the timer and go. leaving for work so early in the morning and have a long commute home, the crock pot was the perfect solution to not having me spend hours in the kitchen cooking.

however, there are many slow cooker recipes that require ingredients to be sauteed or meat browned prior to being dumped in the crock. i didn’t like having to dirty more pots and pans just to transfer everything to the crock pot. as time went on, i was also interested in having a larger crock pot than my 4 quart size. the smaller size is great for brandon and me with a little leftover. but if i wanted to cook an extra large piece of meat (like a pot roast) or make an extra large dish for a party, i’d be out of luck.

we decided that investing in an instant pot was worth it. it would give us a second, larger slow cooking option, the ability to sautee and brown directly in the pot, and allow us to try some pressure cooking recipes should we desire (and we do). we found a great deal on a 6 quart instant pot just around thanksgiving and finally started using it over winter break at the end of december. i’ve made two soups with the pressure cooker setting (there’s definitely a learning curve) and i’m using it as a slow cooker for the first time today.

at the end of 2018, i really got into using pinterest as a tool to find, save, and organize interesting recipes. just about all of the recipes i’ve made in the past few weeks have come from something i saved on pinterest. as much as i love my cookbooks, it’s not as easy to search through them the way i can search on the internet. i’m sure later this year, i will swing back around to my cookbooks, because i love my little collection.

the biggest factor leading to my current kitchen successes is planning ahead. i am trying to plan our week of dinners (and my lunches) on saturday or sunday and go grocery shopping for everything i need over the weekend. for crock pot and instant pot recipes, if veggies need to be chopped, i chop them the night before. if meat or fish needs to thaw i put it in the fridge the night before and let it thaw all night and all day. if something needs to be marinated, i make everything the night before and let it marinate overnight and all day. i want everything to be prepped when i come home so that all i have to do is cook the food on the stove top or in the oven. i frequently can have dinner on the table within 20 minutes of getting home. this makes my evenings so much less stressful and allows me to enjoy evenings with brandon so much more. i honestly never thought i’d be the type of person to want to own 2 of the same type of appliance, but here we are! i’m really happy that we made the investment in the instant pot and i’m really happy that i have found a workable rhythm for making dinnertime delicious and stress-free.

my new year’s resolutions

every year i try to set some new year’s resolutions. and most years, by the spring i’ve largely forgotten about them. it’s life. i don’t see it as failing or abandoning my resolutions. i just see it as what i say on day 1 of a new year doesn’t necessarily apply to what happens on day 65 or 200 or 364 of that same year. life has a way of happening like that. but i still like to make a small list of things i would like to accomplish or work on this year.

1. intuitive eating: i have seen the phrase “intuitive eating” pop up a lot on my social media and didn’t really understand what folks meant when they said it. i understood their descriptions of what intuitive eating meant to them and how they incorporated intuitive eating into their habits to enact positive change. i just didn’t know how it applied to me, or if it was something that applied to me.

however, towards the end of 2018, i began to feel a strong urge to eat more vegetables, grains, and other plants. we love to eat meat and fish for dinner, but i really hated also having meat for lunch. i decided that for the month of january, i would eat only vegetarian meals for lunch. we’ll see how this month goes, and if i’m happy i’ll continue in february. this is intuitive eating for me. i had a gut feeling that i wanted to eat differently, so i made a change.

2. unpack and furnish our upstairs office: we have three bedrooms upstairs. two are guest bedrooms and one is going to become our office space. currently, this room is still being used as storage for many unpacked moving boxes. we are going to buy some bookshelves from ikea which will help us unpack and organize everything. we are also going to get a desk and file cabinet for the room so that either myself or brandon can work upstairs if needed. my goal is to have this finished by the end of the month so that we can move onto other home projects.

3. furnish and decorate our loft: in addition to the three guest rooms upstairs we also have a very nice-sized loft space (we have found these loft spaces to be very common in texas homes) which we want to turn into a second living room. we plan to set up all our video game equipment upstairs. we will need to purchase nearly all the furniture for this space. we have two end tables that we will incorporate with whatever else we buy. we have been looking at sofas, rugs, armchairs. we would also like to acquire another mid-century record console to use as our media stand similar to the one we have downstairs. we have a possible lead on one. my goal would be to finish the loft by mid-year.

4. connect with my family more: i want to spend more time chatting and checking in with my parents and other family members. i took for granted all the years i lived so close. but i want to share more, to really tell them what’s going on in our lives, to make sure they always know i’m thinking about them.

5. pursue creative endeavors: recently i have been feeling frustrated when scrolling through social media. whenever i’d see someone post a creative project like writing calligraphy, or knitting an intricate item, or elaborately decorating a cookie, i would feel upset and even a little defensive. defensive about what, exactly? i think in my head i was trying to convince myself that i was happy with a life pretty much void of creative pursuits, that i could do all of these activities, but simply chose not to because i didn’t want to. how silly does that sound?! i am absolutely feeling the need for a creative outlet in 2019. i am continuing to nurture my green thumb; i have purchased a a david austin evelyn rose bush that will be delivered in the spring. i have also signed up for an intro to calligraphy class later this month. i want to find a hobby i can consistently work at over time for my personal enjoyment. brandon and i have also made plans for a lot of woodworking projects for our home. we made a wine cork trivet last month and it was fun to use all the power tools.

6. get more sleep: i obviously need more sleep. when i started my job at the university i went to bed fairly consistently at 10:30pm on work nights. as the months went on, i began pushing the time back and back. but it has had a very negative effect on my ability to get work done during the day and enjoy my evenings at home with brandon. for this year, i want to re-commit myself to a 10:30pm bedtime. i know i will be much happier in the long-run.

7. continue to take care of my skin: i could write a book on my skincare journey, it’s effects on me physically and emotionally, and maybe i will write more about it in the future. sufficed to say, i am on a good path right now, and i want to keep that momentum going forward.

8. be more vulnerable: my therapist has always told me to try to be more vulnerable. to let people know how i’m really feeling, to express my wishes, desires, disappointments and to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. to let people know what i need from them. i want to be more vulnerable at work and at home. by nature, i keep things very close to my chest. it’s not easy for me to come out and really say what i feel or what i need from someone or why i’m disappointed. that’s for a couple of reasons. first, i’m a very emotional person and i think (but probably not correctly) that holding everything close protects me from becoming “too emotional,” it protects me from showing other people that i am an emotional person who can’t always keep it together (my nerves really get the best of me). second, and because of the first point, i hold my feelings close because i don’t want to ruffle feathers, i don’t want to hear other people’s response because i don’t want people to be disappointed, frustrated, or mad at me. and that goes back to point one; i hold my feelings close to my chest to prevent others from seeing my emotional state and to make people believe that i present a strong and tough personality.

but i know that i’m losing out. i’m losing out on closer relationships with friends and family. however, what concerns me the most is potentially missing out at work. i feel like i am missing out on opportunities to increase my skills and take on new projects that will challenge me and grow my potential. i need to do some serious thinking about what it is i want out of my career, where i want to go, and what types of projects will help me get there. i also need to consider how i can ask those around me for help in getting where i want to go. all of this requires being vulnerable, admitting my shortcomings, acknowledging that there are areas where i can improve, and leaning in to my strengths. i think there’s going to be a lot of uncomfortable moments and probably a lot of tears. i have to embrace my emotional side, embrace the tears, and i think the outcomes will be good.